30 things.

I stumbled upon this on a fellow diabetic’s blog. I realized that I really wanted to do it. Apparently it’s for Invisible Illness Week, which I missed out on. But I figure, awareness doesn’t have to be only for a week. Why not all the time? So, here it is. Thirty things about my illness.

1. The illness I live with is: Type 1 diabetes
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2009 (October 13^th, 11 pm, if anybody cares.)
3. But I had symptoms since: The summer before
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: having to think about everything I do.
5. Most people assume: That I’m used to it, so it doesn’t hurt anymore.
6. The hardest part about mornings is: Getting out of bed. (Not diabetes related, just related to being a teenager).
7. My favourite medical TV show is: Off the Map
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My Little Buddy.
9. The hardest part about nights is: worrying that I will go low.
10. Each day I take 0 pills and 1 vitamin (C) (sometimes).
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: don’t think there are any.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: neither. But I would rather have and invisible one because then I don’t need to tell people that I have an illness. Sometimes I like it to be my business, and mine alone.
13. Regarding working and career: Well, I babysit. Does that count? Sometimes I go low during a job and it’s difficult because then I have to sit down and convince the kids to not run around and get into trouble.
14. People would be surprised to know: That I am thankful for diabetes.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: that it is a reality.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: be a normal kid.
17. The commercials about my illness: rub me the wrong way, but I don’t have an explanation for it.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: eating without thinking.
19. It was really hard to give up: nothing. The only thing that I had to give up, and only when I was on MDI, was eating lots of sweets in one sitting. Which I shouldn’t have been doing anyway.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Knitting, although it’s not diabetes related. Yet. (I will find a pattern for an insulin pump cover!)
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Well, it depends what you mean by normal. There’s no such thing. But if I could have one day without diabetes, I would just…enjoy it.
22. My illness has taught me: That there’s a silver lining in every cloud, as dark and gloomy as it may be.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing that people say that gets under my skin is: “Well, you’re used to it, so I guess it’s not that bad.”
24. But I love it when people: Totally understand me. (Camp buddies!)
25. My favourite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: “You’ll be okay.” It’s from a song…I think.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: That they are NOT alone. And that really, it will get better. No, I didn’t believe it either.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: The network of support that comes with it. And that it really isn’t all bad.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Left me alone for the most part.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I’m not…well, I guess I am now. So, I’m involved because the invisible needs to lose the ‘in’.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Special. Like in that you care enough to read this blog.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I like to write poetry. Sometimes that poetry expresses my deep emotions, even when I don't mean it to. So, here's some of my accidental-deep-emotion poetry about my diabetes.

This one came about when I thought about writing a post. I thought about how I feel sometimes, and that continued on to a poem and an entire blog post.

Sometimes...

Sometimes...
I wish that I had never been diagnosed with diabetes.
But then...
I realize that I wouldn't be who I am today without it.

Sometimes...
I wish that I had never got my Little Buddy.
But then...
I realize that I would still have to take needles everyday.

Sometimes...
I wish that I knew more people with diabetes.
But then...
I realize that I wouldn't find as much comfort in talking to the people that I do know (but talk to rarely) who have diabetes.

Sometimes...
I get overwhelmed by the enormity of this disease.
But then...
I talk to one person, or read one person's blog post, or watch one person's video, and I realize that I am not alone.

Sometimes...
I wish I were still who I was before diabetes.
But then...
I realize that I wouldn't be me now.


This next one...I don't really know where it came from. I would really like to get it printed on a shirt, though. I think it started when I kept telling myself that diabetes doesn't change me. I realized, though, that it does change me. It changes all of us - it makes us stronger. We all figure that there's nothing good to say about diabetes, but sometimes, there is.

I have diabetes

I have
DIABETES.
No, I am not diabetic, I have diabetes.
Does this change me?
YES.
It makes me more responsible, respectful and caring as a person.
It has taught me to see the silver lining in all things, no matter how bad they may be.
It has taught me to smile, whatever the outlook; that's the only way I can avoid the heavy sadnes.
And so I thank it for all these things.
It's accented my individuality and made me more of my own person.
And yeah, it's a pain sometimes.
But you know, I just wouldn't be the same without it.
Thank you, diabetes.

Thank you also, so much, to the 500+ people who have visited, and continue to visit, this blog.