Total Pageviews

Monday, December 30, 2013

A post about things I like.

I hope you all had a very merry Christmas and will have a happy New Year!

WARNING: This post contains spoilers for Doctor Who: The Time of the Doctor (Christmas special) and Frozen, as well as excessive amounts of nerdiness and fangirling.

I have some things that I have been bursting to say. No complete explanations will be provided. :)

1. Doctor Who: The Time of the Doctor.

I really liked the Christmas special this year. He stayed for Christmas! Because they needed him! It was quite silly at first, which was a bit nice because eleven was the silly one. I was confused about Clara's family, but whatever. Family is confusing. The saddest part of this episode for me wasn't the regeneration or that he stayed for Christmas or his speech (although that and the taking off of the bow tie left me shaking and in tears).
The saddest part was that he got old.
The Doctor aged. He aged visibly, and physically, and emotionally. Obviously he was already old - 1300 or so! - but this time he got OLD. He got frail. He couldn't walk. He forgot people's names, faces. He had a limp, a lisp, grey hair. That scared me. The Doctor, the one who can never be caught, the madman with a box, became vulnerable. And if the Doctor is vulnerable, then no one is safe. And that hurt.

2. Foreign movies.

SO. Recently, I've accidentally watched two very-much-not-English movies. Netflix persuaded me they were good, and by the time I found out they were in a different language I was too involved to stop.
I am so glad I did not stop.
Winter in Wartime (Dutch) was excellent. Not what I expected. So good. I stopped breathing three times.
Mother of Mine (Finnish/Swedish) was also excellent. Just so perfect.
These films were so emotional, so involving, so deep, that I couldn't stop watching. It seemed to me that there was very little dialogue in comparison to English films (there were good subtitles - thanks Netflix), and SO MUCH emotion was conveyed through sighs, or glances, or silent moments.
And I realised how much I do not listen to movies, even English ones.
I had to intently watch these movies in order to catch all the subtitles, and I could hear so much emotion in their voices. I could figure out exactly what was going on by their tone, their volume, just their voices. It was amazing.
Seriously, if you ever have time, go find some foreign movies to watch.

3. Frozen.

Frozen. Frozen, frozen, frozen. At first I wasn't going to go see it (I thought it would be a dumb story about a snowman and a reindeer) but no! Tumblr convinced me to go see it and by god am I glad I did. Started with a musical number (sold). Musical numbers throughout just like the original Disneys (sold). Princess story (sold). It started out so happy and then it got so sad so fast I could actually feel my heart breaking. I hurt so much for Elsa, who loved her sister so much but couldn't be with her, for Anna, who was all alone and didn't know why, and their parents, who had one lonely daughter with a secret that she couldn't control and another lonely daughter who knew nothing and could know nothing. "Do you wanna build a snowman?" (Musical number 2 - I CAN'T STOP SINGING IT BUT IT'S SO SAD AND I CAN STILL FEEL MY HEART BREAKING JUST DURING THAT SONG ACTUALLY EVERY SINGLE WORD IN THAT SONG BREAKS MY HEART). Then it's coronation day! Elsa is so scared and Anna is so excited (I've figured that Anna is my spirit animal) and they're so awkward and it's so sad because it shouldn't have to be like that! It should be happy! BUT! IT! ISN'T! And then Hans comes in (another sweet number) and I'm like hey, love story, okey-dokie cool and then they're going to get married but they can't and everything gets exciting right then because Elsa goes and does her music on the mountain and Hans is left in charge and it seems like he's such a good guy but turns out he isn't! What! When Kristoff came in I was confused cause like there already was one guy what's this guy doing here and he's no Prince Charming he's awesome but he takes Anna and MORE EMOTION which is when I realised it was based off the Snow Queen which I loved when I was little and MORE MUSIC which is never ever ever ever ever ever a bad thing and then back to the castle bam! Anna needs true love to save her (I kinda sighed but okay, princess, cute) but it turns out Hans was evil all along and Olaf says 'Some people are worth melting for' YEAH THANKS FOR MELTING ANY ICE THAT WAS LEFT IN MY HEART THEN STOMPING ON IT and Kristoff loves her (saw that one coming) but hey, that's cute, at least it wasn't completely traditional and Elsa's about to die and Anna saves her! And then dies! And I'm like what! That wasn't supposed to happen! But then! BUT THEN! That was the act of true love Anna needed! It was family love! And! Not! Traditional! Princess! Love! It! Was! True! Love! So Anna saved herself by saving her sister and that broke me because I wasn't expecting that! And I loved it! And then Elsa stopped fighting her powers and they became close again and OH! MY! GOD! I! CAN'T! BELIEVE! HOW! MUCH! I! COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY! ADORED! THIS! MOVIE!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

This is way too late...but it's almost Christmas!

Well, not really, but it's Christmas month! Woohoo!

Anyway, I bring to you the last twelve days (hey, twelve days of Christmas!) of the diabetes month photo challenge. Sorry, I got behind. And lost motivation.

Day 19: Hypoglycemia
Hypoglycemia. That shaking, pale feeling that seizes you as soon as your blood sugar drops below 4.0. This is what happens - I'm so shaky, so uncoordinated, that I can't open packages properly. And those pull tabs on Dex bottles? Forget it! These ShotBlok packages get ripped apart, the blocks themselves get nailmarks in them, and sometimes I want to scream because I can't get it out fast enough. Lows suck.
 
Day 20: Needle
Needles. Ah. Fun. I don't use these anymore, because I'm on the pump, but I was on needles for seven months. I still have a lot for emergency purposes and also because we have nowhere for them to go. I never used syringes, because I started right off with the pen. The blue-tab needles where what I used everyday - a while after my diagnosis. As you can imagine, giving yourself a needle is quite a daunting task, and really scary among everything else that was happening. The top picture was our solution. It's a pen needle with a cap that covers the needle - as you press it against the site the needles goes in but you don't have to look at it going it. Pretty awesome. Of course, right after I bought an entire box, I got my pump. But they did help a lot, ESPECIALLY when I was just starting.
 
Day 21: Free Food
 
Day 22: Endocrinologist
 
I don't have a picture here, but I love my endocrinologist. I guess I really have two - my actual endo from the mainland and my local pediatrician. They're both too awesome for words. Clinic next week! Aw yeah! (Also they really like me and my numbers, so that's great.) And they're the ones I'm going to ask about WHY MY SITES HURT SO MUCH RECENTLY. Story on that farther down. See Day 25.
 
Day 23: Weakness
The kids I babysit/volunteer with. Teddy bears. Disney. Candy. (I've been eating way too much of that lately). Cookies. I have a lot of weaknesses. But something that has been a weakness of mine since I was five...
Books. I'm a sucker for stories. This book in particular is a) the perfect size to i) read in bed ii) hug to your chest iii) hold up and read and b) is an amazing book that you should go find and read right away goodness me I don't think I've read such a great book since I was eight. (Also it's nice to see a war story from the germans' POV - that's something I've wanted for a while. And the narration/narrator is awesome. And it's going to be a movie soon. With Geoffrey Rush. YEEHA)
 
Day 24: Hyperglycemia
I don't suffer a lot from hyperglycemia. That is to say, high blood sugars don't usually affect me other than annoy me. Sometimes I get overtired and hungry, but nothing too awful. That being said, I've only had 2 blood sugars since my diagnosis that were higher than my diagnosis number. Which was only 26. So I like to think that I'm just in control.
 
Day 25: Favourite Injection Site
Right thigh. That bump in my leggings is my site, not a malformation. Worry not. XD I love my thigh because it never hurts*, I can do anything with a site there (it's never in the way), and it almost never gets in the way of what I want to wear. (Leggings=exception. I don't care enough. Yeah, I have diabetes. Yeah, I wear a pump. Problem? ;) ) I prefer my right because, for some reason, the first four times I injected into my left, I got a)bruises, b)pain, c) blood, and d) discomfort. It's usually fine now, but I'm right-handed so it's easier when my pump is on my right side.
* My sites have been hurting a LOT lately. My mum thinks it's cause I've been working out and have less fat (although it certainly doesn't feel that way!), but I think it's more. I don't know. It's weird. I really don't like it. Right now it's in my thigh (as I've said), which NEVER EVER EVER hurts - I usually put it there when my sites have been sensitive recently. It didn't hurt going in like the others did - but when I brush past it, I can feel it. When I bolus, I can feel it. Even now, when I'm sitting doing nothing, I can feel it. It's not a good feel. I don't like it.
 
Day 26: Social Media/Blog
Tumblr. Undoubtedly the best place on the internet. Fandom stuff, not-fandom stuff (lots of hilarious diabetic stuff too) - it's just great. And this site counts as social media AND blog! Woohoo!
(Although, if any of you ever look at my tumblr without permission, we are no longer friends. Clear? XD)
 
 
Day 27: Diet
Celery. The green sticks. 1 carb per stick, tasty, goes with any dressing - you just can't lose. It makes up most of my lunches these days. (I'm not dieting, I'm just eating healthier, and I suppose healthy eating could fit under the diet category.) Although, I'm not going to lie, I have been having my fair share of candy and cookies. Ah well, it's almost Christmas. :)
 
Day 28: Thankful
I'm thankful for a lot of things. (Although Thanksgiving was two months ago, AMERICA.)
Family. Friends. Health. Money. Skills. Opportunities. Capabilities. Education.
I have a lot - and I'm grateful for all of it.
Something I'm very grateful for is Bubbles here. I understand that not everyone can afford a pump - and I hope that the government will begin paying for adults' pumps. (Partially because frankly, as a college student to-be, I don't want to pay $7000 for anything.)
Bubbles helps regulate my blood sugars, makes blousing easier, and makes diabetes just a thing that I have to deal with rather than a 'BIG DEAL'.
That's as far as I'm going to go, because Thanksgiving was TWO MONTHS AGO, AMERICA.
 
Day 29: Strength
I am strong.
I can do a weight routine with 2 5lb weights.
I can do Jazzercise twice a week without fail.
I can smile every day, poke my finger, bolus, every. single. day.
I can be a role model.
I can be who I am -
And sometimes that takes all the strength I have.
 
Day 30: Future
I don't know what the future holds, but I am determined that I will take everything into my stride and live the BEST life that anyone's ever had.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Lots of stories for these ones. :)

Sorry, I'm late. I dyed my hair blue on WDD (well, kind of) and life has kinda been weird since then. (I'm kidding. I chalked blue into my hair, successfully got it to stay on everything except my hair, and I've just been lazy and forgetful). I'm knitting Christmas presents; can you really blame me?
A few things:
- Happy Birthday, Dad!
- Last night my pump battery died. Like, DIED. It alarmed Low Battery at 10:56 (I know, I know, I meant to be asleep by then), so I locked it and said I'd deal with it in the morning. Well, this morning I check my blood sugar - 15.3. Whaaaaat??? I clicked over to my pump, meaning to unlock it and question the high - no response. Click, click, click, press...nope. So I'm kinda freaking out, because even when the battery DIES it alarms annoyingly saying 'replace battery to silence alarm'. Over and over and over again. But this time it didn't. I wouldn't be worried, but this is how I killed Little Buddy. Also the date and time had reverted back to 12 am January 2007. (Why 2007, Animas?). I think it's fine, I changed the battery and the history and everything was still intact, but I'm still a little worried. I guess we'll find out in 6 weeks or so whether this actually impacted it. :)
-Also I saw an owl yesterday! He was GORGEOUS and HUGE and he let me get really close for a picture! It's a great picture! I love having a cameraphone! Owls are also really scary when they look at you because it feels like they're going to swoop down and carry you away!
-And, AND, later today, my meter batteries died. And I had no extra. NOT a good day for batteries.

And now, The Weather.

(Sorry, couldn't resist. You should listen to Welcome to Night Vale. You might like it. I'm not even sure if I like it, but it's tons of fun.)

 Day 12: Glucose
These are my glucose tabs. Dex4. (Because they're made of Dextrose and they have 4 carbs! Get it? Get it?) Everyone hates on them, but I really quite like them. The fruit punch ones are my favourite, but they're not sold everywhere and when I run out unexpectedly I usually end up with these. Most of the time they're okay, but there's those odd lows that screw up my taste and make them taste like salad dressing. The fruit punch ones taste like candy though. (Even though there's a pineapple on the front, which I hate).
 
Day 13: Struggle
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I got to go to the beach today in the rain. I don't think I've ever felt so good. It was calm, serene, and I was so happy.
Being there, hearing the waves crashing onto the rocks, hearing the rocks be pulled into the ocean with the tide, really made me think of my struggles. Almost all the time I'm okay, but sometimes I feel like that one rock that can't control where it's going, drowning in water, being pushed and pulled through life with no say in the matter. The waves crash over my head, sometimes pulling me, but sometimes reaching, reaching, reaching, but never quite touching. Struggle is hard. Most of the time I'm okay, most of the time those waves keep reaching but never touch, but sometimes I fall and they grab hold of me. Eventually I regain my place and I'm okay again. Sometimes you have to let yourself lose control.
 
Day 14: Support #WDD
This is my blue circle necklace. I was really excited when I found it last year, seeing as a blue circle is the symbol of diabetes month. I wore my diabetic shirt (Does this shirt make me look diabetic?), blue everything (pants, socks, nail polish, earrings...) and I chalked a strand of hair blue. Of course at the end of the day everything EXCEPT my hair was blue (especially the shower water, my goodness), but it's the thought that counts.
 
Day 15: Diabuddies
What is a diabuddy? A diabuddy is someone you can rely on, someone you can trust, someone who understands every little thing you feel when it comes to diabetes. A diabuddy is someone who will wear ridiculous matching shirts, someone who will get you a juicebox (and stare longingly at it the entire time you're drinking it), someone who will understand your ridiculous jokes, will laugh hysterically with you when you're low (Capture the flag!!!), someone who will be there for you, someone who will be your dead pancreas buddy (DPB) and will volunteer to take the garbage out with you (Shakespeare!). Sometimes you connect instantly, sometimes it takes a little while. But it always works, you're always buddies, and you're sure you'll be buddies for the rest of your life. (Hey Z, you gotta get out here sometime! Also I wish I could go to camp again!)
 
Day 16: Hero/Heroine
I have a lot of heroines. My mum. My teachers. My Guiding friends. Jennifer Lawrence. (Seriously, go see how great she is.) Maybe these people are more idols than heroes though. Is anyone a hero, really?
But Kerri Sparling, of SixUntilMe, is my heroine. Her blog is one of the few constants in my life - I read it every day and it's a favourite page on all my devices. Her ability to form thoughts into words (stars into constellations) is incredible, and I hope one day I'll be as much of an advocate as she is. I'm too shy to ever tell her this through her blog or email or anything, so I'll just respect and idolize her from afar. You know when you imagine meeting a celebrity, how you'll react, whether you'll choose autograph, picture or handshake; how you get excited whenever you learn that they've been in your country; how you make every word they say your motto. Yeah. She's my celebrity, my dream, my heroine.
 
Day 17: Research
I forgot to take a picture. (Insert sciency image here). Honestly, right now (and actually most of the time) I'd rather they found a cure for cat allergies rather than diabetes. Although they have made some giant, awesome leaps in diabetes research. One of my other dreams (I have quite a few related to diabetes) is to participate in a clinical trial either for an external pancreas, new medication, whatever. That would be great.
 
Day 18: Biohazard
I love this symbol. I love that for four years I've known it on every science quiz, I've been the first to know what it is and what it means. I see it every day (well, at least every time I remember to safely dispose of my needles XD) on this garish yellow container stored beneath the bathroom sink. I really don't take it as seriously as I should. Biohazard? Yeah, I can touch that.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Pictures speak a thousand words. (Maybe not quite a thousand, but a lot).

It's been more than three days. My apologies. I've been staying up much too late recently and become less and less motivated to post. I'll fix that. Anyway...

Day 7: Pre-diagnosis
This is LONG before the days of diabetes, when Halloween was just a day for free candy and every day was easy (-er than it is now). I'm about six in this picture, and I had no idea that six years minus fifteen days later my life would change forever.
 
Day 8: Diagnosis
This teddy bear right here. He's the best. (Yes, I know it's 'just a teddy', okay?) I'm sixteen, and I'm not ashamed to say that I still sleep with a  bed full of teddy bears. This guy was my support for those hospital days - I cried into his fur, hugged him through the needles, and squeezed him tight when I needed a hug. I've had him since I was a baby - and when I was diagnosed, I got a new teddy bear (a gorgeous golden retriever) - and this guy is the best. He's still soft, still fluffy, still huggable. He's the best hugger there is, the best support, and I can't believe he's been with me for SIXTEEN years. One of the only constants in my life. I love him :)
(Teddy bears mean a lot to me, and if you think that's juvenile or lame, whatever. They're part of my life, and I love them.)
  
Day 9: Bolus-worthy
 Ah, yes. The slushie. Frozen pop, available for purchase at most gas stations. An occasional treat, and delicious! Definitely worth the five units it cost. (Also this particular slushie was free because the gas station guy appreciated that we cleaned up the small mess we made. Tells you something about the kids in my town, huh?)
 
Day 10: Low treatment
This is my glucose-tab holder. It's usually empty, because right after I fill it up I use them. It's the zipper pull on my glucometer, so I always have it. If I could just remember to fill it up...
Also, it is NOT a contact lens case. I am SO SICK of that question.
 
Day 11: Med-alert
Mah bracelet! It's a bit tarnished right now because it hasn't quite recovered from its chlorine bath (swimming pool). Although it says Allergic to cats on the back (which is true, but nowhere near bad enough to warrant a MEDICAL BRACELET, MOM (love you), and it makes everyone laugh, so that's cool), I've been wearing it for four years. My grandparents bought it for me (because the free one is not the prettiest thing you've ever seen) and I really like it. It's simple, but pretty, too, and I've actually received quite a few compliments on it as a bracelet - so I don't mind wearing it every day :) It's also become a habit to wear it, so it feels really weird on the rare occasions that I wear my necklace instead. I don't think I've worn that since Mexico. And that was three years ago. Huh.
It always goes on my left wrist, because I'm right-handed and it gets in the way. It's been through a lot - paint, chlorine, pottery wheels (that was particularly nasty)...but it's survived. And it keeps me safe. So really it's a win-win-win kinda thing.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Thrice is nice.

Three is a good number. Instead of posting every day (because honestly I lack the motivation to post every day), I think I shall post three pictures every three days. So, here are the next three.

Day 4: A1c


A drop of blood. That's all it takes to tell me the average of my blood sugars over the last three months. That's pretty impressive. My last A1c was 7.3, which is not as low as I'd like it, nor is it as awesome as it has been in the past. However, this was my first clinic since Europe, and my only goal in Europe was to avoid lows. Ergo, higher A1c. Also, it's ridiculous that such a small drop of blood and one number can be considered our 'grade' on how well we're doing. It's not. It's an average of our blood sugars. And sure, sometimes it's higher or lower than we'd like, but it's not a grade. It's just an average. Healthy? Happy? That's all the grade you need.

Day 5: Insulin

(I didn't actually have any open vials, and as before mentioned, I lack the necessary motivation to find one.) 3 mL in a vial. That's 300 units. That's how I survive for 75 days. But it's so, so small. And this box? This box has 1500 units in it. That's only 15 mL. Not even enough for a sip of water. But so, SO important.













Day 6: Big Blue Test
I've never done the Big Blue Test. I keep meaning to, and keep meaning to, and then I forget, and also I don't exercise as much as I probably should. Also I'm shy, and don't get involved in big diabetes things (but I really, really should.) Therefore, no picture today. Sorry. :)

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Ketchup!

Sorry, I got distracted. School and sleepovers and babysitting...anyway. I'm here now.
This month I'm going to attempt a photo challenge that I found on tumblr...the Diabadass challenge. :)

Here's the challenge:
diabadass:

DIABETES AWARENESS MONTH 2013 PHOTO-CHALLENGE!!!
I worked really hard making this. I hope everyone likes it! Finding diabetes related stuff to represent in pictures is more difficult than it sounds. I tried to focus on making it fun and interesting. I’m going to post this on twitter, instagram, and maybe Facebook as well.
Please hashtag #DiabadassChallenge so I can find your posts and see your photos on every social network. If you want to add me on any of them just message me and I’ll link you.
If you decide to use this on any of other blogs, please credit me!! I put so much thought into this trying to make it unique and also creating the background. This is the first time I’ve ever created anything fun like this. I don’t want any copycats! 
Thank you so much, diabuddies!! You are ALL so amazing <3

And here's what I've done with it for the first three days (sorry they're not on time):

Day 1 - Selfie
This is my face. It's alright. :)

Day 2 - Pump or injections?
Pump. This is Bubbles, my Animas Ping. I love him.
 
Day 3 - Glucometer
Aaaaand...this is my glucometer. He does not have a name. I wish he had a LED screen. Yes, there are lots of test strips, because it requires a lot of effort to clean those out. That smiley face keychain on the left means a lot to me; it was given to me by one of my Sparks last year who moved away. It reminds me to smile, to keep a positive attitude, that no one is ever too far away, that there's a silver lining to everything, and to remember that childhood is fleeting and it's my job to help the Sparks make the most of it :)
 
There you go. First three days, all in one! I'll try to keep up from now on. ;)

Thursday, October 31, 2013

It's Halloween!

Which means tomorrow is November 1st! (On a Halloween note, I can't wait until I have kids. They are gonna get DRESSED up.)

November is National Diabetes Awareness Month (NDAM). :) I'm not wearing blue every day again this year because, fun as that was, I REALLY missed my pink.

I am going to paint and keep my nails blue for the duration of the month, and of course I'll go all out blue on the 14th! (And my blue circle necklace! Woo!) (And I think I'll do blue Fridays as well. But not tomorrow because tomorrow is pajama day and imam be all out Welsh!)

I'm going to try and post here every day, or AT LEAST once every couple days.

I'm going to reach out, talk about diabetes, read other blogs, maybe link this blog to facebook or tumblr...

The JDRF 6th annual video contest was announced! The theme is 'Diabetes by numbers'. It's gonna be good. I have lots of ideas, and I'm stoked! I'll find a song early this year...

Tomorrow is November. It may be Movember as well, but it was Diabetes Month first. (I really hate that both causes have the same colour. Guys, there's twelve months in a year. Really?)

Have an awesome first day of diabetes awareness month. :)

What I can't have.

So, I was thinking today...

(First of all, on an unrelated note, the awesome diabetic spark joined my unit! Woo!)

There are a lot of things that bother me that I wouldn't even think about without diabetes. Other than the obvious, obviously.

  • I can't buy loose pants - my pump pulls them down. Actually, any pants if I don't wear the waistband right. Also any pants I exercise in have to have a tight waistband. Loose sweatpants, comfy as they are, often reveal more than intended. Bubbles doesn't look that heavy, but...
  • I can't donate blood. I'm not allowed. That bothers me. A lot.
  • I can't be a professional driver. Do I want to be? No. Did I ever want to be? No. (Except for that week in kindergarten when I wanted to drive a backhoe.) Does it bother me that I can't? A little bit.
  • Bagels. I'll just leave that there.
  • Doorknobs. They suck. They keep pulling out my tubing. Urgh.

Mind you, there are lots of little things that diabetes makes better...

  • Free flu shots!
  • Free food!
  • Free promo stuff!
  • Camp!
  • Knowing you have something in common as soon as you find someone is diabetic!
  • Carb-free meals! (Yay eggs and green veggies!)
  • Jokes! (Does this shirt make me look diabetic?)
Diabetes isn't all bad. There's lots that's bad about it, but it's not all bad. :)

Monday, October 14, 2013

And I missed it...

So...um...it was my fourth diaversary yesterday.

And I completely forgot.

I didn't forget leading up to it; on Friday I was like Hey! Sunday's the 13th! I should celebrate! and then I didn't remember until today. The 14th. I completely missed it.

Last year I didn't remember until 8 oclock at night - but I didn't MISS it.

I mean, I guess that's good - it's really not a big deal, it's just a part of my life now.

But it should be important.

I feel like I've forgotten a really important birthday. (Like 18. Or 19. Or anything after that. XD)

I should have celebrated that four year mark. I should have had cake. (Although I did, unknowingly, have a celebratory ice cream).

I think about this day most of the year. It's really important. It shows how much I've conquered, how much I've come through, who I am today.

I shouldn't feel bad. It's just a day. It really doesn't matter.

It's just that now, I've been taking hormones made in a lab for four years.
The lovely golden retriever [stuffie] named Sage on my bed is four years old now.
Bubbles is almost two. Little Buddy was one. Together, that's been three years. In May, it will have been four years minus seven months.
I've had those extra needles for four years.
I haven't stayed for more than an hour in a hospital for four years.
My fingers have had callouses and poke holes for four years.
I haven't been able to properly enjoy a bagel for four years. (C'mon, guys. Sugar free bagels. They should exist by now).

A LOT has happened in the last four years. I've been to Europe without my parents. I've travelled for 20 hours next to strangers. I've become a babysitter with an awesome reputation (and a lot of cash in the bank!). I've discovered what I want to be when I grow up. I've made new friends, lost old ones. I've become Giggles. I've become a Sparks leader. Sparks have become some of my favouritest people in the world. I've become a knitter.

I haven't even been knitting for four years.

I've had diabetes longer than I've been doing a lot of the things that are the first thing people think of when they think of me.

It's just a day. It shouldn't matter.
But I still remember most of it, even though a lot of the details are quite foggy.
The worst part is that I still remember life before diabetes.
I remember what it was like to not have to check my blood sugar.
I remember what it was like to be able to eat a bagel without worries.
I remember what it was like to be able to go to a sleepover and not have to worry about crazy highs. (Seriously. Every time.)
I remember life before, and that hurts more than life after ever has.

Next year it will have been five years since that fateful day. That's a big number.

The enormity of it all makes me want to cry.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

It was only a dream...


I had a dream last night. I had a really weird sleep last night, so I'm not even going to try and figure out where it came from.
It was a dream about a hospital. (Well, not exactly, but it was a dream, and hospital played a part.)

I had a strange feeling when I woke up. Not a bad feeling, just a feeling that I couldn't quite identify.
I thought about it for quite a while (because this was a good feeling and I needed it back), I realized that it was the feeling that I get when I create awesome elaborate scenarios in my head (like the one where my bedroom has a spiral staircase and an alcove and a windowseat and a platform and a blanket nest and everything that has ever been perfect and there's that feeling again and I love it so much!
It's the feeling that seems to describe passion, that I feel whenever I really love something. Hopefully I'll have that feeling when I meet the person, that one person, hopefully the ONE. BUT - that's a long way off. Right now, especially after the scholarship presentation, I'm thinking about jobs and careers.
You remember how I said I felt this after a dream about a hospital? Well.
I've always loved hospitals. I was thinking this morning that I must have started liking them after diabetes (I know, I know, I'm kinda backwards). But no, because when I got my first French-English dictionary (it had beautiful pictures and I've tried to let go of it but I just CAN'T), I remember my favourite word was 'hospital'. I read the monosentence description over and over and over, trying to figure out my feelings. I used to play doctor all the time, and although the three days I did spend there sucked, I have always wanted to go back to the hospital. Well, not really, 'cause I don't want to be that sick, but that's just what I've wanted. The heart wants what the heart wants. (Or maybe it's the pancreas).
Most of you probably know that I've been leaning heavily towards a career in nursing (pediatrics, undeniably), and of course I've been quite unsure - because choosing NOW seems ridiculous. I mean, I'm only sixteen.
But because of this dream - and I know, it's ridiculous to decide based on a dream and feelings - but honestly, I am a lot more sure of myself. I think nursing is the right place for me, and of COURSE I'll have to try it out before I decide (that means volunteering, hopefully at the local hospital if I ever find myself with enough time.) I know it was only a dream and a childhood feeling, but it's definitely helped me on my path to the future. :)

Ranger Revolution!

I just got home from the big city on the mainland, where I got to participate in the first-ever Ranger Revolution! You should all know by now that I'm heavily involved in Girl Guides, and that it's pretty much my life, and that it means a LOT to me.
Well, this weekend, I was able to be a part of what was pretty much a conference for Ranger-aged girls (15-19). There were just over 40 of us, and although the hostel was...hostel-y, with rooms that were pretty much a hallway with no doors - 18 beds, though. It was very different from any hostel that I've been in before. It wasn't quite as nice as the one in Paris, but the neighbourhood was 1000 times better. Also, the three of us were alone in the gigantic room at the VERY END. It was kinda scary. The layout also did not make sense, until we found out that it used to be an army barracks, which is pretty cool.

The conference itself was AWESOME. We started with a personality test presentation - I knew what category I was going to be. And I was right. And I sometimes really like but sometimes really don't like working with people like me. I'm sorry, people who have had to work with me in the past and future. Then we had some individually chosen sessions - mine were Mad Science (cool experiments) and International Adventures (most of which stuff I knew, but it was cool). Between those we did an awesome service project (I made blankets with an awesome fringe and we also got to go to Chapters for kid's books). After our second session we did an Iron Chef competition - we made feta cheese/green onion quesadillas and toffee banana boats. We did not win. We were all super exhausted and happy to go back to the hostel.
This morning we had breakfast and headed back to Guide House, where my sessions were Financial Management (everything of which I knew) and Communication Games ('twas awesome, definitely learned some stuff for Sparks. (Wow, I just typed Ted instead of Sparks. Too much How I met your Mother?) After that we had a REALLY good presentation on scholarships. I kinda feel prepared now. :)

I actually made some friends (all by myself!), and I had a FABULOUS time. Thank you so much to the program committee for putting this on, and all the Rangers for coming! It was so much fun!

It also intensified my desire to attend Friends For Life. Check it out. Take me with you. :)

Friday, September 27, 2013

Diabeticness and a busy day.

Hey! So, yesterday was a diabetes-filled day. It was great. I had to get up really early cause clinic was at 8am! (Downtown!) It was great though - my A1c is 7.3 (and although that's a bit higher than I'd like it, my only diabetes goal was to not go low, therefore any number above 4.0 was good enough for me for 5 weeks. It's not like I had many highs, but some numbers weren't great. But I also had LOADS of fun, so everything is as it should be :) ). Also, ALSO, I grew! I am now OFFICIALLY 5 foot 4 (and point one of a centimetre!)

After a breakfast at Tim Hortons, I returned to school (missed my chemistry test - urgh) and watched the rest of a very Canadian French film. School, you know. It was school. I have nothing else to say.

But, AFTER school! I got to go to the other Sparks unit for the first time - and they are SO ADORABLE! And, the diabetic one! She's 6, and she's going to be my new best friend :) Her mum said she's never met an older diabetic. Even though we've both had diabetes for almost the same time, she seemed to look up to me (I mean, we went on a walk and she was holding my hand from the get-go, even though her mum was there :) ). I've been waiting to meet a littler kid with diabetes for a long time, someone I can maybe mentor and help a bit. I've never been the 'big girl' diabetic - although I'm not always the youngest in a group, I've almost always been the youngest diabetic - meaning that I've had diabetes for less time than all of my friends. But now, I get to be the big girl, for the first time ever! And now I know someone I can be the big girl for! And because she's a spark, I get to GET to know her! Stoked!

Well, after that I did a presentation on my Europe trip, which went pretty well. And that's all I have to say.

One last thing - Sparks REALLY like the fact that my pump is named Bubbles.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

FINISHED!

GUYS GUYS GUYS!

I finished my book! My 1232-page, ancient story, Les Miserables in its original form only in English, and I'm finished!!! I started in February, and it was really slow going for a long time, also I skipped August completely (can we say In Europe all month?). It's been seven months, twelve hundred and thirty-two pages, and a lot of newfound emotions.

It was all the same characters (although no music :( ), but the book went much deeper than I ever dreamed of thinking (because obviously it's a book), and I found out a lot of things that nearly made me cry. I know that none of you care, but I have a lot of things I need to talk about and NO ONE TO TALK ABOUT THEM WITH!!!

For example, did you know....

Grantaire was drunk the entire fight!
Grantaire and Enjolras is a canon ship! And it's adorable!
I can name almost all the barricade boys!
Marius is an idiot!
An absolute idiot!
He's such and idiot I can't even explain!
Cosette and Marius TOGETHER were less than forty!
Valjean pretended to break his thumb so he wouldn't have to watch Cosette get married! (Well, not really, but kinda)
Joly and Bahorel (I think those are the two) share EVERYTHING!

Because it's early in the morning and I haven't been reading it for a while (like, twelve hours), I can't think of anything else. But yeah. Emotions. Creys. Need passionate people to talk with.

That's all. WAIT! Also, I lost Bubbles (my pump) down the side of the couch. It was still attached, and I tried to get up (which didn't work). Yeah. It was great.

:)

Friday, September 20, 2013

Some stuff is hard.

Sorry guys, it's been a while (again).

Europe was FABULOUS, and life felt kinda unreal afterwards - because I realized that now it's just memories and pictures. Weird.

I have a Europe meeting tonight, where we'll sort out our presentation and share photos and cool stuff like that. :)

Sparks started last week, and although half of them got stung by wasps, it went well after that. :) I didn't get to go to the other Sparks meeting this week, because I was babysitting (money, money, money!), but apparently one of their sparks is DIABETIC. Do you hear me? DIABETIC. I have wanted to know a diabetic small child for nearly four years! And she's not in my unit. That sucks. But I'll get to meet her (and all the other new sparks!) next week, and at camp, and at Spark joint activities, etc., etc. :) It'll be great.

How I met your mother is a great show. Also it's short, which is perfect.

School is okay so far, kinda stressful cause it's grade 11 (!).

I can't art. Art is hard. I'm not very good at it. Drawing. Ugh.

TV starts soon! Stoked!

I don't have all that much to say right now. Tired. Writing. Sorry it's been so long. Love you all.

Friday, August 30, 2013

I'm home!

Hey guys! It's been five weeks, four countries, and more than 24 hours on planes, but now I'm home. I went to Wales, England (London), France (Paris) and Switzerland (Adelboden mostly). It was a fabulous time and I'd like to thank my parents, Girl Guides of Canada, and my groups' leaders for giving me this opportunity.

I can't believe it's over and that it's just a memory now. I do have lots of memories though, as well as 700 dollars of souvenirs, tons of pictures, and lots of badges for my camp blanket.

I had minimal diabetes issues on this fabulous adventure - I had a 1.9 that came out of nowhere, a few 2s and some minor lows - but other than that, I was good blood sugar wise. Security was another story - don't you just love it when people try and tell you that "no, no, your pump that the manufacturer told you can't go through the xray is just fine going through"? I love that. NOT. There was one lady that was so not listening to me that the pump nearly did go through the xray! I'm not sure what would have happened, but I don't think it would have been good.

Anyway, I have nothing else to say right now because it's starting to get late and because I am still majorly jetlagged. (Stayed up 26 hours straight yesterday! And it was 630 four times! Woohoo time travel!) Just wanted to say that I'm here, I'm good, and I had the time of my life.

And diabetes? Did not get in the way. :)

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Sorry...BUT ALSO, WHOOHOOO!!!!

It's been a long time. I really did mean to post. I just didn't find the time/motivation/etc. :)

I'm going to Europe today, for five and a half weeks. I won't be back until the end of August, and I doubt very much that I'll be blogposting while I'm there. Of course, when I get back, there won't be a stop of posts. But for now, I'm hiatusing for legit, and I PROMISE I'll be back just before fall.

I'm off now for eleven or twelve hours of traveling, at least nine and a half of which are on a plane. I've also got to contend with a nine-hour time change. Diabetes, please be nice to me with this. :)

Bye guys! Come back soon! :)

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Alphabet bullets.

Since my last post I have:
a) turned 16,
b) earned my Learner's license,
c) prepared for a week-long camping trip starting saturday,
d) finished school,
e) passed exams,
f) earned honour roll (all As) and effort roll (all Es and Gs which mean the same, depends on the teacher),
g) seen Monsters University (BEST. EVER. Also the short which came before it, The Blue Umbrella, was AWESOME. SO GOOD. Close to tears. Legit. Also Planes looks great - they have some quality humour there. XD "Oh, for flying out loud!),
h) learned about the bionic pancreas project which is awesome,
i) become the proud owner and learned how to use a Samsung Galaxy s3 (still looking for a name),
j) seen the season finale of Hannibal (WHY?!?!?!?!?!?),
k) had some really major highs (freakin' sleepovers with junk food),
l) scored 98% on my L test,
m) not yet become sad that I'm not going to D-Camp in three days,
n) made myself sad that I'm not going to D-Camp in three days,
o) become part of a family with a new car (a car whose DOORS open AUTOMATICALLY with HEATED seats and 8 SEATS and a BACKUP camera and other really COOL stuff),
p) okay now I'm just trying to make it through the alphabet,
q) discovered that report cards can be held hostage if someone (coughCcough) hasn't paid their school fees,
r) learned that it's awesome when Supernatural makes fun of Twilight,
s) reached the halfway point of Les Mis (WOOT!),
t) discovered that lovestruck teenage boys are IDIOTS (coughMariuscoughRomeo)
u) decided that you should watch this video and this video (heads, they're possibly triggering)
v) discovered the awesomeness that is etsy,
w) found the most adorablest cat knitting pattern,
x) prepared around 30 of my 100-entry goal for the Fall Fair,
y) realized that I don't know how to travel with diabetes and time changes (PLEASE COMMENT IF YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE)
z) K, this is the last one, I have nothing to add. It's been fun!
Talk to y'all in a week! (Hopefully!)

BONUS:
eleventy-three) bought pink jeans and bright patterned leggings. BIG step for me. :)

Saturday, June 15, 2013

School's out!

WOOT! Of course, I still have two exams, but it's all good.

District playoffs for baseball were this weekend. We lost both games, but you know what? I had a lot of fun. *shrugs* Hopefully I'll have somewhere to play next year. :)

So...we went to Michaels today because I needed a certain colour wool for a ragdoll that I want to make...and they had a very diverse 2.99 clearance rack...and also they had neon Caron Simply Soft for 3.99...suffice it to say that my successfully depleted wool stash is now very replenished. Fall Fair here I come! :)

After my ball game today, the team decided to go to Dairy Queen ('cause it's awesome.) I don't go there ever, so I was excited to try a smarties blizzard. Small of course, because I really don't need any more than that. I looked at it with that 'eyeballing the carbs' face, and I decided on 50 - airing on the high side. I laughed my guts out, had a ton of fun, enjoyed my delicious blizzard, and then ran round the corner to go to the washroom before the TWO HOUR drive home. I ran into the nutrition facts sign on the way out - and what a good thing that I did. I thought that I should look at the carbs, just to see how close I was. It's an awfully good thing that I did look at that, or else I would be REALLY high right now.

108.

108 carbs in a small blizzard.

That is equal to a pizza.

In a small blizzard.

So done with Dairy Queen.

Lesson of the day: there are more than 50 carbs in a blizzard.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Six days left! (Well, two days until the walk!)

Okay, so now I actually have been studying. Math and Science exams in a few weeks, and I can get my driver's licence in ten days!

My A1c was 6.2! Of course, it didn't quite please my doctors (does anything, ever? XD) - too low - but I'm really happy with it. I'm not having too many lows, and I'm definitely not having any unmanageable lows.
Six days of school left!
I saw a play today - my school's musical theatre production - and it was SO GOOD. I can't even handle how awesome it was. LOVE LOVE LOVE. It was honestly one of or the best theatre productions I've ever seen - and that includes, actually, quite a few. :)
I've been knitting LOTS - my pile for the fair is growing! Woot!

The Walk to Cure Diabetes is this Sunday, and I'm hoping to raise money so that we can find a cure for this thing. :)
Please take a moment to visit my fundraising page (there's still a link at the top of the page, but here it is again).

http://jdrfca.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=182405

Thanks!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Do you ever know something but forget it the moment you need it?

Sorry guys. Uh...exams are coming up? Is that a fair excuse? No. I've been watching Hannibal.
(Unrelated sidenote ALTHOUGH I WILL KEEP THE FLAILS TO A MINIMUM there was a pancreas on Hannibal and it was great because the pancreas is an underappreciated organ but apparently it tastes good XD)

Well. Well, well, well. How is everyone today? I'm good, thanks. I played five games of baseball this weekend, had part of a practice provincial exam in math, and other such fun stuff.

So, I always have stuff planned in my head for when I find myself talking to newly diagnosed diabetics - except when I need it, it's gone.
One of my friends (an exchange student from Germany who was here earlier this year and who I got on really well with) has just been diagnosed, and I didn't know what to say. I was honoured that she wanted advice from me - I like being asked questions like that - but I didn't even know what to say. I guess because my diagnosis was so long ago (three and a half years now - WOW) and I've come SO far since then, I've mostly forgotten what I needed. I guess I needed to know that people still cared, that they were there for me, that there were people I could talk to. I didn't really have anyone to TALK to - I do now (Hooray for DiaBuddies!) - but I sincerely hope that I can be that person for someone else. :)

If anyone ever needs anything, comment here or message me somehow or TALK TO ME BECAUSE I LOVE YOU ALL and I want to help!

Hugs and love to J!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

D-Blog Week: Spread the Love.

Now I'm all caught up. As another Diabetes Blog Week draws to a close, let’s reflect on some of the great bloggers we’ve found this week. Give some love to three blog posts you’ve read and loved during Diabetes Blog Week, and tell us why they’re worth reading. Or share three blogs you’ve found this week that are new to you.

I found a lot of posts and people this week. (Probably because I actually read other people's posts this time round. XD)

I was really excited to find Sagwabetes, because she's a tumblr blog and I still can't get my head around the fact that other people use tumblr (especially for non-tumblrish things).

This post from Type ONEderful hit home, because I've semi-been there and the what-ifs are scary indeed.

I've been favouriting posts as I go this week so I could come back to them for today, and when I realized that I had two posts from Sweetly Voiced, I thought I should go back and look at her entire blog - which I did and it is great. :)

And a bonus: I didn't find this blog (What Diabetes Should Call Me) or this post (I Am Fine, from SixUntilMe) through D-Blog week, but the blog brightens my every day and the post is what I look at to get my spirits up when I'm down on diabetes. Go look at them both. :)

D-Blog week: Diabetes Art Day.

This year Diabetes Art moves up from the Wildcard choices as we all channel our creativity with art in the broadest sense. Do some “traditional” art like drawing, painting, collage or any other craft you enjoy. Or look to the literary arts and perhaps write a d-poem or share and discuss a favorite quote. Groove to some musical arts by sharing a song that inspires you diabetes-wise, reworking some song lyrics with a d-twist, or even writing your own song. Don’t forget dramatic arts too, perhaps you can create a diabetes reality show or play. These are just a starting point today – there are no right or wrong ways to get creative!

So, again, I missed the day. Sorry. My dad was using the computer all last night. (Also, I was tired and knitting a very confusing pattern = no motivation for anything else.) I was really looking forward to this post - arting for the win! But, since it's now late (Sunday), I don't art well under pressure, and I have other stuff to do, here is my art. Actually, since I'm too lazy to go upstairs, take a picture, upload the picture, then post it, this is the art that I'm choosing to share:

 
This is Lorenzo. He's a flamingo. With a bowtie and tophat. He took a long time to make, and he's awesome. How, may you ask, does he apply to this topic? Well, he took a long time to figure out, he was a huge presence for a while, but now he's kind of faded into the background. Just like diabetes. :)


Saturday, May 18, 2013

D-Blog Week: Freaky Friday.

Sorry this is late - I had some WACKED blood sugars yesterday, and for unknown reasons (probably due to those insane 2.9s and 3.1s) I felt awful last night. I could hardly speak, let alone sit up and blog. So, this is a day late, my bad, thanks diabetes.

Today's Yesterday's propmt: Just like in the movie, today we’re doing a swap. If you could switch chronic diseases, which one would you choose to deal with instead of diabetes? And while we’re considering other chronic conditions, do you think your participation in the DOC has affected how you treat friends and acquaintances with other medical conditions? (Just gotta put this in here - I LOVE that movie.)

I wouldn't want to switch with anyone. I'm lucky to have a condition that is treatable, manageable, and not fatal. I can still live my life while dealing with diabetes - I just have to work a little bit harder at some things. I'd really rather have no chronic condition. That being said, I suppose a thyroid condition (hypo or hyper) (preferably the one that makes you skinnier) wouldn't be too hard - there's treatment and not too much to deal with as far as I know.
But if I could switch chronic conditions, I would want the Alexandria Genesis. (Well, it's a syndrome, but I think that still counts?) I mean, purple eyes, dark brown hair (which I already have and love), no sunburns, no periods (!), long life, no body hair except for eyebrows and  perfect vision, and never overweight? Who WOULDN'T want that? Unfortunately, it's a very rare condition and it may not even exist. But it would be great, no?

My participation in the DOC has affected how I treat people with other medical conditions. I feel like I understand a bit what they're going through - I'm more empathetic, more willing to listen, more able to help them out. Those of us that have chronic conditions - be they the same or not - know what it's like to deal with stuff. We all have a connection, and we can all empathize with each other. So yes, because I talk to/read about other people with diabetes, it helps me to understand other conditions. :)

Thursday, May 16, 2013

D-Blog Week: Accomplishments Big and Small.

We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you've made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small - think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to use or not use a technology / etc.).

I've accomplished a lot in the last three years. Diabetes-wise, self-wise, growing-up-wise...
My biggest diabetes accomplishment? I think it was going to Nova Scotia. Although I traveled to and from Vancouver with my mum, I flew to Nova Scotia (went through security!), stayed a week in Nova Scotia, and flew home. Alone. There were two Guiders with my group (I went with Girl Guides), but neither of them knew me very well and even though one of them had a diabetic father (that didn't work out in my favour) (I don't think anyone except sometimes my parents should/can EVER tell me how I should deal with my diabetes. I'll have a freakin' freezie if I want one), I was on my own on the diabetes front. By that point I'd been completely independent for a year and a half, but the fact that I didn't have anyone to fall back on was scary. There was no one to phone to make sure I was doing this right, no one to tell me how many carbs were in the hamburger buns (which we had EVERY day), no one to click the site-inserter for me. It was a big deal. Now it's no sweat - heck, I'm going to Europe by myself [ish - with Girl Guides again] for two weeks this summer. I had to deal with a lot of stuff that trip (especially since plane-travelling never fails to rocket my blood sugars - someone help?), including really high blood sugars, way-too-involved people, and airport security (no more needs to be said there). But I DID it.

That was my biggest accomplishment, but small ones happen every day. Every 5.3 on the meter, every blood-sugar-matching-carb-count bolus (okay, it's not really an accomplishment, but it's exciting XD), every walk I take (which feel SO GOOD - not stopping that any time soon - also it makes me feel healthy which is an accomplishment in itself), every knitting project I finish - every day is an accomplishment.

Accomplishments big and small, every day.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

D-Blog Week 2013: Memories.

On an unrelated note, today's baseball game was the BEST. I got 3 (!) hits (my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th hits of the season), we WON, I got to play 3rd base (I screwed up a couple things, but everyone makes mistakes), I got to see three of my sparks, one of whom stayed to watch part of my game (that meant a LOT, M. Thanks. <3), and I felt really accepted into the team today. (I'm the new girl, so that's important to me.) :)

Today's topic: Today we’re going to share our most memorable diabetes day. You can take this anywhere.... your or your loved one's diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share.

Since everything about diabetes is a mix of good and bad, I have a good memory and a bad memory. Let's get the bad one over with.

It's close to Christmas vacation, 2009. I've had diabetes for about two months. I'm at the point where I'm giving my own needles, but I'm still calling my mum every lunchtime to make sure I'm doing it right. This lunchtime starts late - I think we were on a fieldtrip or something - and since our teacher had to go be a lunchtime supervisor, he entrusts us to the next-door teacher (who turned out, the next year, to be the greatest teacher ever). We have about two minutes until the go-outside lunch bell rings - NOT long enough to bolus and eat in a relaxed manner. I'm just getting my needles out when the bell rings. Mme. A (the next-door teacher) comes in and sends us outside. I explain that I HAVE to eat because I have diabetes (blahblah) and that I haven't eaten yet, etc. She sends me into her classroom (which is full of unfamiliar people). Stressed, I [try to] be calm, sit down as far away from everyone else as I can, and I sort out my needle. I'm doing it in my left thigh today - somewhere that usually doesn't go well. Of course, people notice that I'm stabbing myself with a needle, and some of them start to freak out. As soon as I pull the needle out, blood starts spurting out. Of course. (Okay, not really. There was about a finger-poke-sized splotch, followed by a rather large black bruise. :( ) I start crying, people are freaking out, an unfamiliar teacher is trying to help me...It was not fun. I was okay, though. And the nice thing was, when we came for PT interviews a few weeks later, Mme. A came and talked to us to make sure I was okay. That was great. :)

So, that wasn't fun. But there are some good memories...

After four hours of early-morning travel, we get to the Horshoe Bay terminal. I'm really nervous about this, but excited, too. It's my first year of diabetes camp, and I'm not sure how it's going to go. We find my cabin group, and as soon as I step into the circle I have friends. Everyone's the same (except H - you non-diabetic. XD), everyone understands, and it's the first time I've ever felt so accepted so fast. I can't even explain how great it was. The whole week was awesome. These posts explain it pretty well: There's this one and this one and this one and this is pretty much all of them.
Camp is my favourite diabetes memory. Memories of it make the bad days better, and the good days great. The people I met there are some of the greatest people I've ever met, and the things I got to do and see and experience there make diabetes easier every day.
THAT is the best thing about diabetes. They are the best diabetes memories.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

D-Blog Week: We, the undersigned.

Recently various petitions have been circulating the Diabetes Online Community, so today let’s pretend to write our own. Tell us who you would write the petition to – a person, an organization, even an object (animate or inanimate) - get creative!! What are you trying to change and what have you experienced that makes you want this change?

I've found myself signing lots of petitions lately - whether it's for an extended version of Les Mis or to not sexualize Merida. If I were to petition to change something...well...

I'd really like to get Dexcom (or a CGM that'll link with Animas) up here (in the backwoods of Canada XD), but I'm sure someone's working on that.
I'd REALLY like an Animas Vibe, but they're only in England ATM.
I'd like to change people's misconceptions about diabetes, but I don't think a petition would help that.
You know what? I'd like a diabetic role model. I mean, I have role models, and I have diabetes role models, but I'd like someone bigger - like a disney princess. A famous movie character. Someone who can show the world what diabetes is, how much it doesn't change us, and someone that diabetics and non-diabetics alike can look up to.
If I were to write a petition, I think I'd find myself writing to Disney to ask for a diabetic princess. Or prince. Or monster ('cause WHO ELSE IS EXCITED FOR MONSTERS UNIVERISTY?!?!)
I want this because of many reasons, but one of those is that newly diagnosed have very few role models. They might not know much about diabetes. I know that I didn't know any diabetics until at least eight months in. We need someone to show us how okay diabetes is, and we need someone who can teach everyone about diabetes without having to TEACH them. Merida (from Brave, only my favouritest movie ever) (Well, I think it must be tied with Les Mis) made me proud to be female. (And since we're on the subject of petitons, PLEASE go sign the aforementioned one.) She made me realize how important and great it is to be independent, strong, and individual.
We, the undersigned, need someone to show us how great it is to be diabetic.

I actually haven't heard anything about these petitions floating around - I know there's one about a name change, but what else? Anyone know? :)

Monday, May 13, 2013

D-Blog week: Share and Don't Share.

So, I nearly missed D-blog week this year. Obviously I need to spend more time on the internet. XD

Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see? 

I have a lot of people on my medical team. I think that comes from being a Ped patient.

What do I wish my medical team could see about my daily diabetes life? I wish they could see how hard I try to get those good blood sugars, and how hard it is sometimes. I wish they could see how often I check my blood sugar (because apparently I test a LOT. Ask any of my d-friends. :) ). I wish they could see how hard my grandma tries to bake sugar-free stuff for me, and I wish they could see how irritated I get when I have a low for no apparent reason or I just don't have TIME for a low. I wish they could see the me in those non-diabetic, happy moments, where I'm ME and not diabetes-me. (I wish they could see me in the me-est moments, like when I found out that glucose tablets make noise.) I wish they could know how much I appreciate them, and how much I look forward to each new clinic appointment. I wish they could see how hard it is to deal with a nighttime low, when all I want to do is sleep, and I wish they could see how passionate I am about diabetes and non-diabetes related things alike. I wish they could see all the sides of ME.

On the other hand, I hope they don't see how few times I change my lancet. Or how not-often I change my site. I hope they don't see how I treat my lows (because I get hungry). I hope they don't see me run my pump into walls (although that happens a lot). I hope they don't see how unaccurately I bolus most of the time, or how sometimes I forget to treat a not-good blood sugar. I hope they don't see me in the moments where diabetes gets me down, and I hope they don't see how many times I eat stuff I shouldn't when I'm high. Or low. Or ever.

I wish my healthcare team could see the other sides of me, but then I hope they never do. It's diabetes. There isn't really any way to win.

If you want to participate in D-Blog week, or read other people's posts, you can find everything you need over at Bitter~Sweet (who is also a T1Knitter!)

Monday, May 6, 2013

I'm a bit sad, but I'm okay.

I'm not in the top three in the video contest. :(
That's okay. I'M proud of my video, I still got to tick off stuff for Rangers, and there's many years of video contests to come.
You should go vote anyways 'cause we're all peeps in the beets! (I'm SO using that from now on).

Anyway, I have new music (200 songs added XD), enough money to buy a new iPod anyway, I get to play infield next baseball game, I've got a bunch of money coming my way from babysitting and owl commissions, and the weather is LOVELY.

All in all, I'm pretty happy. :)

Also, Europe is fast approaching! WOOT!
And now that I know about the video contest, I'll take lots of pictures and start thinking 'bout it now.

Thanks to everyone who has watched and watches it! Love you all! <3 (There's a link at the top of the page.)

And also - ALSO - the book sale was this weekend, so I have two beautiful stacks of books to read, as well as I read 100 pages of my gigantic Les Mis book yesterday! Progress!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Well...

It's been a while. Again. Sorry. It was April. Also, right now is the nearest to relaxed-time that I've had this week. And I'm rather stressed right now. So. You get the idea.

Have some bullets! :)

  • Video contest voting opens May 6th! WOOT! You will all know. And hopefully you will all go vote for me. <3 (If I'm in the top three).
  • I missed Sparks tonight because of baseball. :( I am NEVER missing sparks again.
  • My brother is an awesome salesperson, and so I have eight owl orders to fill. Which is awesome. Because it means I get money.
  • I finally got my Itunes money, so imma get some awesome music. :)
  • TV series are ending. I shall soon have to turn to Netflix. (If I ever have time to watch anything).
  • My site decided to come out. After an hour. Gr.
  • M is coming out this weekend!!! We're going to the book sale! It's gonna be AWESOME! <3
  • I posted my Sherlock blanket online! People like it! Yay!
  • That's all I got for now. Sorry this took so long.
:)

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Drumroll please...

My video is finished!
Finally!
And it's here!
So please watch it!
I love you all!
And that's enough of me! Here you are!
 

Just in case the embedding doesn't work, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3gjhidKWWY
 
Thanks so much!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Saving my LIFE. (And life in general).

I have GOT to get better at doing this more often.

I've been really busy as of late and so have lots to say. :)

I finished my video (!!!) and got permission from Sony music (thank you!) to use the song I wanted, and I got my image release form all filled in, so I'm all ready! I hope to mail those tomorrow and simultaneously get the video posted - there will be links everywhere soon. :D

My beautiful blue headphones died. :( I tried to find a pair just like them, but as far as I can tell they're only available online. HOWEVER, Groupon had an awesome deal which means that there are gorgeous pink headphones with swarovski crystals and an mp3 remote being mailed to me. :) For the interim I have Avengers headphones. Walmart. $3. Best. Ever. (The sound quality sucks, but they're awesome nonetheless).

I haven't raised much for my donordrive. Thank you so much to the donator of the donation I've received - it means a lot. I'm going to link it to facebook, and maybe I'll put it in the video description...
I figured out how to add a link, so if you look up there ^ you'll see a link to my page. (JDRF DonorDrive fundraising page). Thank you so much to everyone who donates - every penny helps and it means a lot.

Speaking of donations, I have an awesome story to share. As I'm sure I've said, I'm a Junior Leader with a Sparks unit (5 and 6 year old girls). They're all completely precious. One of them knows me outside of Sparks (I babysit her and her sister occasionally and our mums are good friends) and it was her birthday a few days ago (Happy birthday!). For her party she did a toonie birthday (you know, where the guests bring two toonies and one goes towards a present, the other to a charity) and she decided that her charity was going to be my donordrive. This means a LOT and I don't know if she'll ever know how much this warms my heart. Apparently one of the parents asked her where the money was going, and she told them that she was going to 'save Giggles' LIFE.' Not quite as severe as that, sweetie. But, to a kid, that's what it is. I'm sick, and she's going to make me better. That's all there is to it. And the fact that she cares so much makes me all squishy inside. Knowing that she wants to make me better makes my every day a little brighter. Thanks so much, now-6-year-old L. Someday, we'll find a cure.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Meme time!

I finished my video last night (!!!!!!) but since it's not quite ready to post (I need permission from a couple people), here's a meme to tide us over. I found this on sixuntilme, and I love memes, and it's been waiting for a while, so here.
(Note: I did finish my video last night, but then this morning I decided it wasn't quite right, so I went back and changed a few things. But NOW it's completely finished. No more changes. XD)

What type of diabetes do you have: Type 1. (NOT 'the worst type'. There IS NO 'worst type'.)

When were you diagnosed: October 13th, 2009, 11 o'clock PM.

What's your current blood sugar: *sighs* *goes to get meter* *tests* 8.3 mmol/L (149 mg/dL). Not too bad./ Okay, that was yesterday. (Surprising how long it takes to do one post.) Now it's 6.7, but I just had a [rare] bagel, so it won't stay there for long.

What kind of meter do you use: OneTouch Ping. I've tried using other ones, and much as I loved them, the fact that they didn't connect to my pump for record purposes bothered me. I think I'm going to try and use a different one for my trip to Europe though. There's that awesome little red one upstairs...I can see the photoset now...on top of the Eiffel Tower, outside Big Ben...hm...XD

How many times a day do you test your blood sugar: 4 on a really bad day. Usually between 6 and 10.

What's a "high" number for you: 'Ein' high is above 10 (180). 'Oops' high is above 13 (234) and 'Oh dear' high is above 16 (288). 

What do you consider "low": Anything under 4.0 (72).

What's your favorite low blood sugar reaction treater: I usually use glucose tabs (tropical fruit flavour is the BEST), but recently my friend M introduced me to Clif's ShotBloks, which are these delicious gummy sugary squares that taste like jello berries and work awesomely fast.

Describe your dream endo: Compassionate, talkative, listens to me, talks TO me, understands. Pretty close to who I have now, actually. :)

What's your biggest diabetes achievement: (Oops, missed this one). Probably going to Nova Scotia alone[ish]. Europe will usurp that one for sure though.

What's your biggest diabetes-related fear: A really bad low in the night. Any low in the night, actually. Still haven't had one. *knock on wood*

Who's on your support team: My parents, my brother, the rest of my family, my friends, my doctors, even my Sparks...pretty much everyone that I care about.

Do you think there will be a cure in your lifetime: I've been told many times that there will be. I've been told that I won't have to pay for a pump when I hit the over-18 mark because I won't need one. I've been told lots, and I know that science is getting close, and while I don't think it'll be right away, I think that there will be a cure - or at least a permanent treatment (like islet cell whateveritis) - in my life.

What is a "cure" to you: A cure would mean not having to take insulin. I'm sure I would still have to check my blood sugar, but maybe not as often or as regularly? A cure would be having something that gives me insulin without me having to think about it. (Hm. Sounds like a pancreas.)

The most annoying thing people say to you about your diabetes is: (Upon seeing Bubbles) 'You must have it real bad.' NONONONO. I don't 'have it bad'. I 'have it regular', and that regular needs treatment. OR 'I probably shouldn't offer you these [candies or cookies or whathaveyou], should I?' YES YOU SHOULD. I like candy. I can eat candy. Sometimes I choose not to eat candy, but that DOES NOT mean that you shouldn't offer it. That just makes me feel left out and sad.

What is the most common misconception about diabetes: That it sucks. Well, it does suck most of the time, but when I look back on the big scheme of things and see everything that it's given me, there is no suckiness at all.
Another misconception that I hate is that I can't eat sugar. I CAN. Sometimes I don't WANT to, but I CAN.

If you could say one thing to your pancreas, what would it be: Please give me back my ability to eat bagels all the time. I love bagels. I want them back. Please.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Walk fundraising has begun!

I finally pulled my leaky site, and it turns out the cannula was bent. Like, BENT. In half. Not even half in my body. So I have no idea why I wasn't high all night. *throws hands in air in a major shrug/Igiveup*

Today I actually did stuff. My long-overdue JDRF Donordrive page is up, as the Walk to Cure Diabetes is coming up fairly quickly. You should go visit my page! http://jdrfca.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donordrive.participant&participantID=182405
My fundraising goal this year is at least $750, as I want to do all that I can to help JDRF in their quest for a cure. I greatly appreciate every donation, every well-wisher, everything that anyone can do. As I said in the blurb, I love each and every one of you that reads this blog - even if I don't know you - because sometimes, support is all we need.
Every penny counts here (even though we don't have pennies anymore! XD), and I appreciate all of it.

And on another note, I'm going to finish my video tonight. Or tomorrow. DEFINITELY before the week ends. If Sony music would just GET BACK TO ME, that would be nice... (You hear me, Sony music licensing? Your form said allow three to four business days. Well, I've allowed four months worth of business days. Anytime you're ready...)

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

A leak?

Whoops...it's been a while, hasn't it. Sorry.

Well, now that I have something to say, here we are. :)

I had a yucky run of highs yesterday - it turns out my site was [a lot] older than it should have been. I hadn't been checking all too often 'cause I was babysitting and things just tend to slip my mind. I changed my site last night to my stomach (from my leg) so that it would be more absorbent and hopefully bring my bloods down. (Blood sugar is just too long.)

So today, I promised I'd test more as I was still coming down from the wicked highs. (Woke up at 11.3, which is okay, but not good enough for me.)
My first test was an hour or so before lunch, and when the screen read 20.3 (365), I didn't believe it. I'd bolused for breakfast, fresh site, the works! XD So I washed my hands and tested again; 20.8. No.

I corrected, hopeful that it would work. 5 units. After the beeps finished (I'd been holding my site to make sure it went in), I felt something wet and I was really confused before I looked and realized that this was a leaky site. Actually leaking, as in none-of-the-insulin-went-in-it-all-stayed-on-my-skin leaky. This has never happened before.

So I changed my site and re-corrected. I was mad, especially seeing as this site was less than 12 hours old.

I'd heard of leaky sites, and thought I'd had one before, but no. THIS was a leaky site. And I hope it never happens again. I still smell like insulin. I haven't figured out why it leaked, as I have yet to pull it. It's just so beautiful...so young...

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The bracelet came off...

I took my camp bracelet off last night.

I've been wearing it since the end of diabetes camp, and my original goal was to wear to the beginning of next camp (which I can't go to).

I didn't want to take it off, partly because I'm so proud of myself for wearing it for so long, but partly because somewhere in my head felt like that was the last thing connecting me to camp - a thin thread pulled to the breaking point.

But I realize now that that's ridiculous. Sure, it means that the physicalness of camp is gone, but the memories stay. Even more so now - every time I look at my bare wrist I remember a snippet of camp and I can't help but smile. I may not remember every little thing, but I do remember the important things. I remember laughing, and canoeing, and sitting on the warm grass talking. I remember feeling involved and loved and special. I remember warm fuzzies and bracelet-making and haunted houses. I remember the things that make camp CAMP, and no one can ever take that away.

I may not be able to go next year, and I may no longer have a bracelet to remember it by, but camp will always be in my heart no matter what happens.
Also, this doesn't mean that I have to get rid of the bracelet - I just have to take it off my wrist. (Especially considering how painful it is right now to even move my wrist because of all the dry skin D: ). I'll keep it safe - maybe with my warm fuzzies - and every once in a while I'll get it out and go back to those wonderful two weeks. Those two weeks that will always, ALWAYS be in my heart. <3

Sunday, March 3, 2013

False information.

Let's start at the beginning of this story - I'm going to Europe this summer with Girl Guides.
It's gonna be AWESOME!

Right now we're getting into the health stuff - putting diabetes on health forms and such.
I got sent some information today from somebody wanting to know if it was correct.
I won't put it all here because it's long, but it's hilarious. I just can't even.

I won't even get into how out-of-date it is (I don't think it's officially called insulin shock anymore) - also hypo/hyperglycemia can be caused by so much more than just excess/lack of insulin.

But the thing that got me the most? 'Symptoms of diabetic coma.' It goes on to list the symptoms of really high blood sugars. Which is really funny, 'cause I don't know 'bout you, but I'm thinking the symptoms of a diabetic coma are 'lying on the ground, unconscious and unresponsive'. Pretty sure that's what a coma means.

I shouldn't find this funny, 'cause it really is serious. But I can't not. "Are you in a diabetic coma?" "I don't know, am I?"

So many lies. Be careful of what you take to be true! :)