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Thursday, October 31, 2013

It's Halloween!

Which means tomorrow is November 1st! (On a Halloween note, I can't wait until I have kids. They are gonna get DRESSED up.)

November is National Diabetes Awareness Month (NDAM). :) I'm not wearing blue every day again this year because, fun as that was, I REALLY missed my pink.

I am going to paint and keep my nails blue for the duration of the month, and of course I'll go all out blue on the 14th! (And my blue circle necklace! Woo!) (And I think I'll do blue Fridays as well. But not tomorrow because tomorrow is pajama day and imam be all out Welsh!)

I'm going to try and post here every day, or AT LEAST once every couple days.

I'm going to reach out, talk about diabetes, read other blogs, maybe link this blog to facebook or tumblr...

The JDRF 6th annual video contest was announced! The theme is 'Diabetes by numbers'. It's gonna be good. I have lots of ideas, and I'm stoked! I'll find a song early this year...

Tomorrow is November. It may be Movember as well, but it was Diabetes Month first. (I really hate that both causes have the same colour. Guys, there's twelve months in a year. Really?)

Have an awesome first day of diabetes awareness month. :)

What I can't have.

So, I was thinking today...

(First of all, on an unrelated note, the awesome diabetic spark joined my unit! Woo!)

There are a lot of things that bother me that I wouldn't even think about without diabetes. Other than the obvious, obviously.

  • I can't buy loose pants - my pump pulls them down. Actually, any pants if I don't wear the waistband right. Also any pants I exercise in have to have a tight waistband. Loose sweatpants, comfy as they are, often reveal more than intended. Bubbles doesn't look that heavy, but...
  • I can't donate blood. I'm not allowed. That bothers me. A lot.
  • I can't be a professional driver. Do I want to be? No. Did I ever want to be? No. (Except for that week in kindergarten when I wanted to drive a backhoe.) Does it bother me that I can't? A little bit.
  • Bagels. I'll just leave that there.
  • Doorknobs. They suck. They keep pulling out my tubing. Urgh.

Mind you, there are lots of little things that diabetes makes better...

  • Free flu shots!
  • Free food!
  • Free promo stuff!
  • Camp!
  • Knowing you have something in common as soon as you find someone is diabetic!
  • Carb-free meals! (Yay eggs and green veggies!)
  • Jokes! (Does this shirt make me look diabetic?)
Diabetes isn't all bad. There's lots that's bad about it, but it's not all bad. :)

Monday, October 14, 2013

And I missed it... was my fourth diaversary yesterday.

And I completely forgot.

I didn't forget leading up to it; on Friday I was like Hey! Sunday's the 13th! I should celebrate! and then I didn't remember until today. The 14th. I completely missed it.

Last year I didn't remember until 8 oclock at night - but I didn't MISS it.

I mean, I guess that's good - it's really not a big deal, it's just a part of my life now.

But it should be important.

I feel like I've forgotten a really important birthday. (Like 18. Or 19. Or anything after that. XD)

I should have celebrated that four year mark. I should have had cake. (Although I did, unknowingly, have a celebratory ice cream).

I think about this day most of the year. It's really important. It shows how much I've conquered, how much I've come through, who I am today.

I shouldn't feel bad. It's just a day. It really doesn't matter.

It's just that now, I've been taking hormones made in a lab for four years.
The lovely golden retriever [stuffie] named Sage on my bed is four years old now.
Bubbles is almost two. Little Buddy was one. Together, that's been three years. In May, it will have been four years minus seven months.
I've had those extra needles for four years.
I haven't stayed for more than an hour in a hospital for four years.
My fingers have had callouses and poke holes for four years.
I haven't been able to properly enjoy a bagel for four years. (C'mon, guys. Sugar free bagels. They should exist by now).

A LOT has happened in the last four years. I've been to Europe without my parents. I've travelled for 20 hours next to strangers. I've become a babysitter with an awesome reputation (and a lot of cash in the bank!). I've discovered what I want to be when I grow up. I've made new friends, lost old ones. I've become Giggles. I've become a Sparks leader. Sparks have become some of my favouritest people in the world. I've become a knitter.

I haven't even been knitting for four years.

I've had diabetes longer than I've been doing a lot of the things that are the first thing people think of when they think of me.

It's just a day. It shouldn't matter.
But I still remember most of it, even though a lot of the details are quite foggy.
The worst part is that I still remember life before diabetes.
I remember what it was like to not have to check my blood sugar.
I remember what it was like to be able to eat a bagel without worries.
I remember what it was like to be able to go to a sleepover and not have to worry about crazy highs. (Seriously. Every time.)
I remember life before, and that hurts more than life after ever has.

Next year it will have been five years since that fateful day. That's a big number.

The enormity of it all makes me want to cry.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

It was only a dream...

I had a dream last night. I had a really weird sleep last night, so I'm not even going to try and figure out where it came from.
It was a dream about a hospital. (Well, not exactly, but it was a dream, and hospital played a part.)

I had a strange feeling when I woke up. Not a bad feeling, just a feeling that I couldn't quite identify.
I thought about it for quite a while (because this was a good feeling and I needed it back), I realized that it was the feeling that I get when I create awesome elaborate scenarios in my head (like the one where my bedroom has a spiral staircase and an alcove and a windowseat and a platform and a blanket nest and everything that has ever been perfect and there's that feeling again and I love it so much!
It's the feeling that seems to describe passion, that I feel whenever I really love something. Hopefully I'll have that feeling when I meet the person, that one person, hopefully the ONE. BUT - that's a long way off. Right now, especially after the scholarship presentation, I'm thinking about jobs and careers.
You remember how I said I felt this after a dream about a hospital? Well.
I've always loved hospitals. I was thinking this morning that I must have started liking them after diabetes (I know, I know, I'm kinda backwards). But no, because when I got my first French-English dictionary (it had beautiful pictures and I've tried to let go of it but I just CAN'T), I remember my favourite word was 'hospital'. I read the monosentence description over and over and over, trying to figure out my feelings. I used to play doctor all the time, and although the three days I did spend there sucked, I have always wanted to go back to the hospital. Well, not really, 'cause I don't want to be that sick, but that's just what I've wanted. The heart wants what the heart wants. (Or maybe it's the pancreas).
Most of you probably know that I've been leaning heavily towards a career in nursing (pediatrics, undeniably), and of course I've been quite unsure - because choosing NOW seems ridiculous. I mean, I'm only sixteen.
But because of this dream - and I know, it's ridiculous to decide based on a dream and feelings - but honestly, I am a lot more sure of myself. I think nursing is the right place for me, and of COURSE I'll have to try it out before I decide (that means volunteering, hopefully at the local hospital if I ever find myself with enough time.) I know it was only a dream and a childhood feeling, but it's definitely helped me on my path to the future. :)

Ranger Revolution!

I just got home from the big city on the mainland, where I got to participate in the first-ever Ranger Revolution! You should all know by now that I'm heavily involved in Girl Guides, and that it's pretty much my life, and that it means a LOT to me.
Well, this weekend, I was able to be a part of what was pretty much a conference for Ranger-aged girls (15-19). There were just over 40 of us, and although the hostel was...hostel-y, with rooms that were pretty much a hallway with no doors - 18 beds, though. It was very different from any hostel that I've been in before. It wasn't quite as nice as the one in Paris, but the neighbourhood was 1000 times better. Also, the three of us were alone in the gigantic room at the VERY END. It was kinda scary. The layout also did not make sense, until we found out that it used to be an army barracks, which is pretty cool.

The conference itself was AWESOME. We started with a personality test presentation - I knew what category I was going to be. And I was right. And I sometimes really like but sometimes really don't like working with people like me. I'm sorry, people who have had to work with me in the past and future. Then we had some individually chosen sessions - mine were Mad Science (cool experiments) and International Adventures (most of which stuff I knew, but it was cool). Between those we did an awesome service project (I made blankets with an awesome fringe and we also got to go to Chapters for kid's books). After our second session we did an Iron Chef competition - we made feta cheese/green onion quesadillas and toffee banana boats. We did not win. We were all super exhausted and happy to go back to the hostel.
This morning we had breakfast and headed back to Guide House, where my sessions were Financial Management (everything of which I knew) and Communication Games ('twas awesome, definitely learned some stuff for Sparks. (Wow, I just typed Ted instead of Sparks. Too much How I met your Mother?) After that we had a REALLY good presentation on scholarships. I kinda feel prepared now. :)

I actually made some friends (all by myself!), and I had a FABULOUS time. Thank you so much to the program committee for putting this on, and all the Rangers for coming! It was so much fun!

It also intensified my desire to attend Friends For Life. Check it out. Take me with you. :)